DEAR BOY, featuring Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins singer and sensitive man prototype.
Question: I had sex with a guy, and he doesn't want to admit it. Should I just forget about him? -Melissa, New York
Billy: Having sex with someone doesn't necessarily require that they love or respect you, but a guy who refuses to admit that he was with you definitely does not love or respect you. You should never allow anyone to make you less of what you are. A human being should always be treated with dignity, and you should have enough self-esteem to tell him to get lost. Forget his name and see how he feels.
Q: My best friend's boyfriend is flirting with me, and I like him a whole lot, but don't know what to do. I'm afraid that if I flirt back, she will find out and hate me. I don't want to tell her what's going on, because i don't want her to be mad. What should I do? -confused and depressed, Ohio
B: No boy should ever come between you and your friend. It is obvious that this boy most certainly will. If you flirt back and she finds out, she will not blame him, she will blame you. The best thing is to tell your friend that her boyfriend is flirting with you. Finding out may really hurt her feelings, and she could even become temporarily upset with you for being the one to bring bad news, but if she really is your friend, that will be stronger than any problem this might cause. Ask yourself how you would feel if the situation was the other way around. Wouldn't you want to know?
Q: This really close friend says he's in love with me. He has never had a girlfriend before, and for some reason it makes me think twice before going out with him. He has asked me out five times, and though i love him more than anything, I've turned him down everytime. I don't want to hurt him, and I still want to be his friend. Help! -Caring and confused, California
B: What a coincidence that I should get to answer this question, because the same thing happened to me, except that I was the boy, and the girl in the story was my best friend, Carolyn. We were very close; we would write letters and poems to each other and we would study together. I thought she was the greatest. She told me she loved me, but she would always turn me down when I asked her out. I would ask her, "Why, is there something wrong with me?" At that time, I had never had a girlfriend, either. And I think that was one reason why she would always say no. She wondered what her friends would think, because I wasn't cool enough. Not to her, but to her friends. The other reason is sometimes you get so close to someone that it seems strange to change the relationship into a boyfriend-girlfriend situation. I think she didn't want to hurt me, but she did, and our friendship has never been the same since. It is going to be very hard for this boy to accept that you think he is wonderful but not good enough to go out with. He will definitely take it personally. I'm not telling you to say yes, because you gotta do whatever is best for you, but you should know that he will get to a point where he doesn't want his feelings hurt anymore.
Q: Do boys ever talk about girls to their friends, or even think about us? Tara, Iowa
B: I think that all boys ever talk about is girls. I think that all boys ever think about is girls. Don't be fooled; they are only pretending to think about something else.
Q: I'm 15 and have breasts the size of a 13 year old. I can't walk down the hall without being called a name! My girlfriends say I have a great personality. Are big breasts all you guys ever care about?- Fed, Illinois
B: It may seem like an important thing, but for every person whose breasts are not big enough, there is someone whose nose is too big or who's too tall or too short. Guys become infatuated with something that is not real: the perfect woman. The perfect woman is not smart and not stupid; she's blonde and has big breasts and a small waist. I don't know anybody like that, but I know plenty of beautiful women. Don't judge yourself by somebody else's standards. you will always lose.
Q: I have a thing about Gary Oldman and what I don't understand is why no one else does. I'm 14 and no one understands. Does this mean I like older guys? -sophisticated in Illinois
B: It is very funny that you ask me this, because my wife, Chris, has a thing about Gary Oldman. It started about four years ago. It was, "Can we go see the Gary Oldman movie?" And "Can we rent this Gary Oldman movie?" And of course she saw Dracula right when it came out. If Gary Oldman showed up at our door right now, she would start packing. So you are not alone. Liking Gary Oldman does not necessarily mean that you like older men. Gary Oldman is not old or young; he is Everyman at every age.
Q: I'm practically friendless. One of my friends is fickle (one day she likes me, the next day not). And my best friend is in another zip code. I do tend to get moody and bossy, but that's usually when i have my period. I really need help. What should I do? -Marilyn, California
B: My definition of a friend is someone who is there no matter who or what you are. If your friends expect you to be "perfect" and behave as they want you to behave, they really aren't friends at all. I know that it is hard, but trust in yourself, and maybe you will find a friend who will like you, bossy or not. Plus, I like moody people; they are my favorite.
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